The Whole Story | Chapter Eleven
I was looking for a place to belong in Florida and I was kind of finding it at the juice bar and with some friends I had made from my waitressing gigs. But I kept having these pangs of uneasiness and anxiety and I realized that I just wasn’t happy living there. I was crying all the time and having panic attacks about WTF I was doing there and where my future was headed. I didn’t have goals that I felt connected to, so I felt like I was not striving to achieve anything. I was simply living, and it was in a place that was too damn hot and crowded and filled with tourists.
Parts of Florida were great, don’t get me wrong, but I knew that it wasn’t where I saw myself settling or even being happy with in a year’s time so I packed up my apartment and headed home to Massachusetts. Looking back on the decision to leave over the past year has been met with mixed feelings. At times I was mad at myself for “giving up” so easily and not staying the course. But as I write this now I am so very grateful that the Lauren of 18 months ago had the courage to accept that her current situation just wasn’t working and that it was time to come home. I am so grateful that I had a home to return to, and a place where I could continue to take the time I needed to find what it was that my soul was called to do. I had an instinct, gut feeling, or inclination, or whatever term you prefer to use, that I needed to be with family and friends in an area where I could be grounded again.
Looking back on my experience in Florida, I realize that the whole time was spent living up in the air. By that I mean that I was never really tied to anything, invested fully in it, or committed to what it was that I was working on. I always had my eye on the exit door. Wow, what a realization that was! All the feelings I had during my panic attacks, and the reason I filled my apartment with objects I didn’t really need, can be attributed to the fact that I didn’t feel a sense of comfort and safety. I was desperately searching for the feeling of being at home.
Now that I am back home for the time being and am on the road to building a thriving Holistic Health Coaching practice I don’t see an exit any more. I don’t feel the tugging on my arm that whispers the reminders that I can always walk away. Instead, I am in a bright room filled with so many opportunities and possibilities that I haven’t for one second thought about leaving. Everything about what lies ahead is exciting and fills me with a profound sense of purpose and life.
I can remember my conversation with a staff member at the Institute for Integrative Nutrition, IIN, and the feelings I had in my heart and my gut were so encouraging, so loving, and so filled with purpose and fire that I knew I had to take a little leap and join the program. So I did. And now I’m writing this and realizing that it was the best thing I could have done for myself. At first I kept this new path a secret from friends and family and now after almost twelve months of training I am able to share what I’ve been up to.
Radiance, light, and joy escape from every piece of my heart when I talk about my business. I am so lucky and grateful to be in this place, because I truly wondered if it existed and if I could ever get there.
If you’ve been thinking of enrolling in IIN, click here for referral savings. Tell them Lauren D’Agostino sent you!